“No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.”  -The Scarlet Letter

I think I have been realizing this more within myself lately then ever before. I get so caught up in what other people.. think of me instead of being satisfied with who I am and who God created me to be. Someone wise once said “The most exhausting thing in life is being insecure” and I couldn’t agree more. We as imperfect people waist so much time dreaming about being someone else, trying to look a certain way, or trying to transform to be somebody else when we should be praising God for the way he made us. Instead of working to be prettier, skinnier, better dressed..looking to be ‘more holy’, happier, the one who has it all together.. how about we accept the fact that we don’t have it all together and be proud of that..but not satisfied with it. We should be working to please a perfect and holy God.. not searching for the acceptance of the boy we like or the ‘friends’ who will never truly accept you for who you are. 

I have fallen into this mess of thinking I need to be more of this and less of that to impress the people around me.. instead of thinking.. Wow..maybe JUST maybe.. God has a greater purpose for this life of mine.. and these areas of my life where I’m a mess (let’s get real.. im not perfect) .. He will use those to further more bring Glory to Himself. I ask myself WHY I care so much about the acceptance of others and the only answer i’ve ever been able to come up with is..I like people. I like having lots of friends, lots of people in my life and i like feeling wanted. Ever since I was little, I’ve cared more than most people. I was born with a heart that is capable of caring more in most given relationships with family, friends or significant others. It’s the way I’ve been wired.. and more often that not: I feel like it is a huge factor to why I often feel as though I’m not good enough in others eyes. It’s this sick need to feel accepted, wanted and special that I need to completely break the chains of. I need to be set free.. and I know that’s only possible through the humility of handing these heartaches over to The One who really can heal this heart.

So God, I ask You to break these chains. Break through and fill this heart of mine with the desire to be accepted in YOUR eyes.. not the eyes of the one’s who can’t satisfy my heart. Lord.. please fill my heart with Your peace and with Your love; so I can start to see my self as You do. Teach me how to find myself beautiful in Your eyes. Teach me this so in the process of loving myself, I can also love others like You do. I love You & I praise You for Your love everlasting.. You’re the only one who is worthy of my best so please forgive me for thinking some boy, or some other relationship in my life deserved more attention than You. I love You King Jesus..thank You for loving me even when I can’t love myself.

-J.S.

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